Why I Don’t Believe in “Talking”

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Who invented that word anyway: Talking.

It’s when you’re not just friends but you’re not really in an exclusive relationship. You’re interested in each other but you’re not official. You’re just stuck somewhere in the middle. You’re talking about being together. You’re talking about becoming exclusive. But you’re just not there yet.

I really give the man that invented this stage much props because it has stopped women all over the world from asking the question they all dread: “Where is this relationship going?”. We start to worry less because it gives us the illusion that the relationship is progressing. You speak everyday. He takes you out occasionally. He calls you terms of endearment: my love, babe, boo. Maybe you’ve even met the family. It looks like a relationship. It sounds like a relationship. But it’s not a relationship. You’re just stuck in limbo.

Limbo. Or what I like to call “The Grey Area”. Right where he wants you.

The Grey Area gives him access to you AND full access to any other girl of his choosing. It calms his guilty conscience as he reminds himself that technically he’s still single. And he’s correct. He has every right to get into a relationship with another woman and you have no right to get upset because you were just “talking”. It wasn’t exclusive. Even though he whispered all these sweet nothings to you, he wasn’t claiming you. And technically speaking, he’s not cheating. Genius. It’s how a guy commits without committing. The perfect way to have your cake and eat it too.

We underestimate these men, ladies. We do.

The problem with talking is that while the guy hasn’t fully committed we are already fully committed. It’s the nature of a woman. That’s why this stage is so dangerous for us. We begin to treat him like the boyfriend, or the fiance, or the husband and that hinders us from seeing other guys that may actually be interested in us. He blocks us from another guy that actually knows what he wants- not one that is still deciding and takes us along for the ride. There have been a few times I have said no to a guy because I was simply “talking” to another guy. As a matter a fact, there was a guy who was ready, hands down ready to marry me and I said no because I was too invested in this guy that I was just talking to. You keep reminding yourself that “We’re just talking” but somehow your emotions translate that into “We are together”. But. You’re not. You’re just talking about being together. And the funny thing is, that’s usually as far as it goes.

So stupid.

It’s okay girl, we’ve all been there. It’s time to break out of that talking phase. Don’t let him test drive you. Don’t let him keep you in this holding cell until he figures out what he wants to do with you.

It’s either he commits 100% or he’s friendzoned until he’s ready to commit. A guy that really wants to be with you doesn’t have to talk to you first before he can make that decision. He just knows.

Take The Grey Area out of your relationship.

dontbelieveintalking

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18 Comments

  • Reply
    Ashley
    August 3, 2017 at 9:48 am

    That stage is the worst and women we overthink… I try so hard to not Think but my mind is always running. I do feel like though once you find the one… there really wasn’t any stages… at least for my husband and i now it did take him a while to ask but it was like the trend in our group of friends and he wanted to make sure I got my allotted attention of the everyone wanting to see my ring and hear the story and all. I love reading this post though to hear the thoughts and feelings and one reason I love to blog because sometimes you need to let it out!

    • Reply
      Tosin Moji
      August 3, 2017 at 3:06 pm

      I totally agree when you say when you find the one there’s not really any stages. It’s because the one knows!! They are just waiting on the right moment. I’m glad you have found your one. I pray you both have a marriage filled with love and laughter.

  • Reply
    Akeyla Virgin
    August 3, 2017 at 9:53 am

    Definitely well said!

    • Reply
      Tosin Moji
      August 3, 2017 at 3:04 pm

      Awww I appreciate it Akeyla!

  • Reply
    Sydney
    August 3, 2017 at 10:20 am

    Same! I understand what “talking” is. But it’s gotten to a point where it’s a pseudo relationship not just a new term for courting

    • Reply
      Tosin Moji
      August 3, 2017 at 3:04 pm

      It’s not courting at all!!! You can be talking to 10 different people! lol. Just be friends…no need to “talk”. Thanks for stopping by 🙂

  • Reply
    Teodora
    August 3, 2017 at 11:52 am

    Great article. And I agree. It’s whether black or white. There’s no inbetween

    • Reply
      Tosin Moji
      August 3, 2017 at 3:02 pm

      Yup. No shades of grey! Thanks for reading

  • Reply
    Kate
    August 3, 2017 at 12:57 pm

    100% agree with everything you said. It’s such a BS cop out for guys who don’t actually want to commit to a “real” relationship. And I will admit that in the past I have definitely fallen into this trap. Not anymore! If a guy knows what he wants, it’s so much more attractive. Commit or don’t..I don’t have time to waste on an inbetween!

    • Reply
      Tosin Moji
      August 3, 2017 at 3:01 pm

      Yes!!! Commit or leave me alone! Lol. Thank you for stopping by 🙂

  • Reply
    Serena
    August 3, 2017 at 4:02 pm

    Oh man, I’ve met so many of these “commitment” phobic men before I was married (and shh…my husband might have been one of them). Good for you girl to recognize it!

    • Reply
      Tosin Moji
      August 3, 2017 at 5:48 pm

      Lol! I think we will all go through at least one of these men. We just need to see the signs early. Thanks for reading 🙂

  • Reply
    Jennifer
    August 3, 2017 at 4:19 pm

    Totally agree! If a guy wants to be with you he won’t be willing to lose you and mess you around! If he is not willing to commit then he is definitely not worth your time!!

    • Reply
      Tosin Moji
      August 3, 2017 at 5:47 pm

      Exactly!!! Thanks for reading 🙂

  • Reply
    Crissy Johnson
    August 3, 2017 at 8:31 pm

    This is men who give the minimal possible investment! They might want to talk for a little bit, but just to know they have your attention. People should always communicate intent.

  • Reply
    Arlene | From Pennies to Plenty
    August 3, 2017 at 9:24 pm

    I completely agree with you. I think when it comes to dating and relationships, actions speak louder than words. That’s how I knew my boyfriend (now fiance) was the one for me. He made a real effort to win me over and was committed to me, even if he didn’t say it. I didn’t have to talk and talk and try to convince him. But of course, it took time and learning on my part to get there. Enjoyed reading your article.

  • Reply
    Kimberly Parsons
    August 3, 2017 at 10:20 pm

    I agree with everyone here! “Talking” is nothing but an excuse! Either man up, or walk! We all deserve better! Man or woman!

  • Reply
    nikki
    August 4, 2017 at 7:08 pm

    I hate that grey area been there one too many times. it suckr us females cause we automatically nurturing and we just hope for the best so clear line of communication is key

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